She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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