sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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