she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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