I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
