I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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