Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
