I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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