I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
