why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He did a backflip because drugs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
