Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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