at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
