Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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