just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
