not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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