Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
