I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
