....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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