For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
