I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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