She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
