i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
