toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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