In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
