im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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