Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
