I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
