it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
