The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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