you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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