Apparently you make a good broom.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
