Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
