No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
