i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
