I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
