Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
