remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
