Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
