your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
