i jhust puked up my retainher.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
