should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
