apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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