I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
