I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
