I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
