Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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