There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I smell like Dick and happiness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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