What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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