The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
