I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
