Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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