dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
