Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
