nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
