I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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