i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
