You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
