You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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