Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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