College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
