Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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