I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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