He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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