Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
