It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
