I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
