I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
