I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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