Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
