he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
