Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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